OT: Dating Questions 101

[HHIgirl]

Now that I have establish I am not dead inside and sort of like a boy. Here comes some questions that I have and some of these are doozies. Yes, some of them I have discussed with my priest but I want to hear what you smarties have to say!

How do you date and have a um sex life if you still have Catholic guilt running through your head?


How do you bring up the um....condom conversation? And when is it OK to even do that? I have NO experience here. I don't mean NO um carnal knowledge. I was just with the same guy forever and a day and twinkie shelf life.

Ok, those are the two big ones for right now...HELP!

[hellokitty]

You need to put that Catholic guilt in check, gotta prioritize where that guilt will run your life. In a general sense - someone who is single, with no thoughts of marriage in the near future, and an adult and independent - this person is expected to live a life of celibacy until he/she is married?? I'm a Catholic, but it makes not a whole lot of sense to me. You (generally speaking) need to make sure that this person is worthy of you, and as long as you're not being promiscuous (which is more of a healthful issue), I don't see a problem. If someone is mentally ready and can logically "see around" the guilt, it's okay. Not sure if I have worded this correctly...

Condoms should be discussed if/when the talk about taking it further comes along. If it isn't discussed until that time, and there are none avail, then it will just have to be buzzkill. And I'm sure next time there will be some there!!

[HHIgirl]

((((((((((HK)))))))))
Thank you! I love your avatar!
Isn't it funny that I am worrying about this and even thinking about it? I love the statement about being worthy. I sort of already set the "tone" about that. One of my friends even told him that I am princess, used to being treated like one and IF you do anything people will hurt him! lol Ok, was funny in person and the faces MK was making as she was relating the story to me.

I think I am a LONG way from promiscuous. I was with the same man for yearsssss. I never did the total slut thing. I have kissed a lot of boys and a few dalliances after I was divorced but never went "whole hog". lol

[BR™]

Oh dearrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

; )

[pebbles]

Commitment. It's all about commitment. If he's talking about sex, he's ready for "the talk." If you don't feel comfortable talking to him about commitment and condoms, then you shouldn't have sex with him. Over simplified maybe, but your gut instincts should not be ignored. I would have to be convinced that he was a decent guy who was serious about our relationship. That takes time so don't let him rush you. And if he is trying to rush you, that says a lot right there. Take it slow, slow, slow and be sure and comfortable with talking to him about anything and everything.

[HHIgirl]

We haven't even progressed that far yet. I haven't known anyone in the biblical sense in 3 years. I told BR™ that I might be getting that little itch that tells you something and I don't mean a yeast infection! lol

[Jasmine46]

I really have nothing to add to this conversation, since I haven't dated for 20 or so years and was a child of the 70's :O
but I just wanted to say

Glad you are back, Jenna!!!!!!
You da bomb!!!!!!

[HHIgirl]

Thanks for the welcome back!
Nothing wrong with being a child of the '70's:) I hold no judgement over someone's past or whatever their private desires or pleasures are, as long as it isn't children and corpses.

I guess it is true about being 40. That sexual peak sure does kick in at WARP speed. I am a 16 year old boy! Oh the handsome men I keep seeing and wondering (ok, fantasizing) aaout! lol

[hellokitty]

Is sexual peak at 40? I always thought it was 30? Maybe as we women become more independent and career-focused, the sexual peak peaks at a more reasonable age!! haha

[HHIgirl]

I had always heard it was at 40. I could be mistaken. Wouldn't be the first time that happened and most certainly won't be the last. lol

I was told at 40 we are so comfortable with ourselves, we know what we want and what we like and aren't afraid to tell our mates or hotel room partners or our pimps. lol I actually put this question out there to a few male friends and they all said that for some women being 40 is just fabulous. That they are intrigued by older women and for some reason the "frenemies" are gone from our lives at this point so it just makes everything about being 40 that much hotter. NO nasty females bringing us donw. Might not have worded that right but you get the gist, I hope.

[BR™]

I thought it was 30 but yeah 40 works!!!!

[hellokitty]

Not to turn this into a controversial thread, but along the lines of Catholic guilt...

if a person "pleasures" himself/herself, that is considered a sin also. But I disagree, and that shouldn't be a sin. Just gotta pick and choose your sins, I think. I am not the perfect Catholic, but I think I'm still a pretty good one. Oh, and morals too! As long as what you do, in life in general, doesn't go against your morals, I think that takes precedent as well.

Am I blabbering? Yes, I will stop. :)

[missitaly]

Hi Jenna ~

I totally understand the Catholic guilt! I think the most important thing is to see how the "courtship" plays out. I think the sex is much better when there is a developing friendship, mutual respect, etc. I've also heard 40 year old women say that intimacy is better @ this age as you are what you are--looks, figure, etc. IOW, you're not trying to be apologetic because you don't look like Hilary Duff.

[BR™]

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missitaly:
I think the sex is much better when there is a developing friendship, mutual respect, etc.
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Hi missitaly...............I couldn't agree with you MORE!!

Developing a friendship and being comfortable with the other person is the basis of any good relationship.................

[princess77]

my two sense would be worth nothing here ... as i am a whore...lol

;o)


( joke)
((not to offend anyone..))

[hellokitty]

lol, princess...you are only offending yourself! :P

(i know you're joking!!)

[princess77]

well didnt know if someone would get offended by the word...lol
or something..

[LA-CAgirl3]

I believe the 40-50 + lust is organic. Don't think it has a bit to do with feeling comfortable, knowing what is wanted etc. I believe it is a true physical reward to women who spent years having kids, or worrying about not having them. The lust and easier enjoyment just kicks in and we are off to the races ... .

Nobody really talks much about these "special years", do they?

I think the conspiracy of silence is somewhat comparable to that surrounding the mystique of the terrible two's. Society conspires to use the term "terrible two's" to deceive unwitting parents into the myth that the second year of a child's life "is terrible" for parents. LMAO. This is because if parents knew the truth about about how much worse their child was going to become they would succumb to hopelessness or worse. By the time the ugly truth sinks in the child has successfully endeared himself to mom and dad and the family unit is off to the races ... .

If younger women knew how much better sex was going to get for them, they'd be in no hurry for it in those younger "fertile" years and humanity would die out. Please keep this quiet so there is no permanent damage done to our species.

[Jasmine46]

Another thing to keep in mind is that not all guys know what you want or need, so a younger, trainable one is even more desirable. It makes it better when you don't have the urge to reproduce, either.

I have had many "special years", but now am dwindling down to the "don't give a crap" years. There are many stages of life and relationships and it's interesting the way things work out sometimes.
You have to have your fun while you can, because you never know what tomorrow will bring, as I'm sure you know.

[kitten4762]

If think that you should wait until you and the guy are truly comfortable with each other and are enjoying an actual relationship... then when you're ready to do it, it will fall into place naturally and you won't worry so much about what to do...(am I doing this right? etc.) In the meantime though..there's nothing wrong with getting "hand happy". We all do it. In fact, I'm my own best sex partner most of the time. ;)

[Rowan]

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kitten4762:
If think that you should wait until you and the guy are truly comfortable with each other and are enjoying an actual relationship... then when you're ready to do it, it will fall into place naturally and you won't worry so much about what to do...(am I doing this right? etc.) In the meantime though..there's nothing wrong with getting "hand happy". We all do it. In fact, I'm my own best sex partner most of the time. ;)
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I think you summed it up quite well...