Christmas incident with friend

[sparkles52]

First off, I hope everyone enjoyed their holiday!

Mine was nice, my best friend of 10 years invited me and my boyfriend over for Christmas dinner. Her sister, who I’ve also known forever, was there as well. We had a great time there BUT then a situation happened which I’m pretty upset about it and I think I have to discuss it with her.

Currently, me and my boyfriend don’t have a car. His old car died, and we are waiting to save for a new car, instead of just buying junky used car after junky used car.

So, yesterday, we took the bus over there. It is two long bus rides. We decided that we should take a cab home because we both had to be up early for work the next day and on top of that, it was pouring rain. As we were finishing up dinner, I tried to call for a cab, but every car service by me had over an hour wait. I was pretty upset because we live so far, and it was already pretty late and we had no way home. Neither my friend or her sister offered us a ride home. I hate to sound like I’m expecting it, but I was kind of taken aback that no one offered us a ride, esp. since it was late, pouring rain, and we lived pretty much on the other side of town and it was Christmas so the buses were running sporadically anyway!

I tend to be overly sensitive sometimes and I am well aware of that, but my feelings are really hurt. I guess I expect to much of people sometimes, and then when I get let down, I feel so disappointed and let down in the person.

Am I expecting too much here? I mean, if the tables were turned, and I had a car, I would have offered a ride in a heartbeat. I just feel so slighted. My boyfriend even commented that he was surprised and annoyed, NOTHING ever bothers him.

What would you all think in a situation like this?

[Hershey]

Hi Sparkles. Well to me, the first thing that's relevant is whether the people who could have driven you home had been drinking anything alcoholic. If so, then driving you home was not a good idea at all.

Assuming they weren't drinking alcoholic beverages, you say you live far away on the other side of town and waiting for a cab would have been an hour. Have you stopped to think that driving you home and having to go back to your friend's house might also take that amount of time? And they may have had to clean up. Or maybe were just too tired. So maybe they thought you may as well wait for a cab rather then THEY spend an hour or close to it going back and forth driving you home. Also, I don't see as well at night, esp. in the rain, as I do during the day and really don't like driving at night in the rain, esp. very far.

These are just all things to consider. Since it was Christmas, IF they hadn't been drinking yes, it would have been nice to offer you a ride home, but I can see many reasons why they didn't, including being too tired. You didn't say where the sister had come from. If out of town, maybe the sister didn't want to do any more travelling.

[beekeeper]

Hi Hershey! :-)

I agree with Hershey ... but want to add that whether they were tired or not ... they should have at least commented on the subject. "Sorry, I'd take you home but I've drank too much, or am too tired", etc.

Them not saying a word would be insulting to me too Sparkles. Maybe you should re-evaluate the "best friend" title!

[Barbi]

If no one was drinking and no one had other engagements, I think they should have offered you a ride...that being said, chalk it up to the fact that maybe, with all the holiday shopping and wrapping and cooking and cards, etc., maybe they just weren't thinking. If this person is truly a friend, give her the benefit of the doubt.

[sparkles52]

Well, no one had been drinking at all. Her sister lives about 5 minutes away from my friend, so no big travelling involved for her.

Beekeeper, I agree with you 100%. I figured they would have at least commented on WHY they didn't want to take us.

And believe me, I am reevaluting that title for her. ;)

[Mel]

I also don't like to drive at night unless I'm VERY familiar with the roads & if I have to drive at night in the rain, I'm very uncomfortable.

I agree it would have been polite for them to offer a reason why they couldn't take you home instead of leaving you wondering.

If it was very late at night, which I don't think it was since the buses were still running, it might have been nice to offer to let you spend the night... if they had the room.


Maybe they were just tired & not thinking straight.... that's what I would assume.

[Hershey]

Sparkles, OK, no drinking. But would it have taken them close to an hour round trip to take you home, in which case it would have been the same amout of time just to wait for the cab.

I agree with Beekeeper too about they should have said something.

I guess my feeling is that if they went to the trouble to make the dinner and clean up, etc. it's the guests' responsibility to get home, although it would have been nice to offer to take you (either your friend or her sister).

[sparkles52]

Thanks Hershey :)

I guess it was kind of a big suprise for me since this girl had been my friend for so many years. I'm also close with her family, we grew up together and I have known them forever. I just expected more.. I would NEVER had let her take a bus home if the tables were turned.

One time she was stranded all the way on the opposite side of town (ironically) after having had worked late one night. She got on the wrong bus or something. Well, guess who went out and picked her up and drove her all the way to her car, at 11pm on a work night.

I'm such a sucker sometimes. :(

[pebbles]

I wouldn't have expected a ride home. They didn't pick you up and they knew that it was a long ride. When they invited you, you should have mentioned the long ride. That way you would know if any transportation would be provided. It's best to tell people up front that it is a hardship to make the roundtrip.

[kittyinthecity]

But if you did give her a long ride, it would have been appropriate for her to have returned the favor. unless like it was mentioned, no one else drives at night in the rain, which she should have said.

(I also don't drive at night in the rain, can't see)

[KF2]

I can beat the no-ride thing, hands down. My sister was cooking Xmas dinner for her, her 2 girls, and of course, me. A family friend takes my sister grocery shopping, and this woman is a total cheap skate. She nagged my sister about buying a 2-lb bag of shrimp (12.00) saying the food she buys is "to expensive", and she should "charge" the "visitor" who is eating dinner for their meal. My sister told me about this converstion, and I immediately took offense, because I was the "visitor" for the meal. Then my sister tried to clean it up and say, "I told her you have paid for other meals so you shouldn't hasve to pay for it this time."

PS-Her cooking sucked and there was no special food, just spaghetti/ meatballs, and the shimp in question.

[sparkles52]

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KF2:
I can beat the no-ride thing, hands down. My sister was cooking Xmas dinner for her, her 2 girls, and of course, me. A family friend takes my sister grocery shopping, and this woman is a total cheap skate. She nagged my sister about buying a 2-lb bag of shrimp (12.00) saying the food she buys is "to expensive", and she should "charge" the "visitor" who is eating dinner for their meal. My sister told me about this converstion, and I immediately took offense, because I was the "visitor" for the meal. Then my sister tried to clean it up and say, "I told her you have paid for other meals so you shouldn't hasve to pay for it this time."

PS-Her cooking sucked and there was no special food, just spaghetti/ meatballs, and the shimp in question.
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Wow, that's pretty bad too! What nerve saying you should pay!

Thanks for sharing, misery loves company! :)

[Acura]

It would have been nice for some one to offer, but I think that was something that should have been arranged or thought out before you left home.

[007]

It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when Jerry and Elaine don't have a ride home because George left with his boss. They have to wait for Kramer to come and pick them up.

[007]

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sparkles52:
First off, I hope everyone enjoyed their holiday!

Mine was nice, my best friend of 10 years invited me and my boyfriend over for Christmas dinner. Her sister, who I’ve also known forever, was there as well. We had a great time there BUT then a situation happened which I’m pretty upset about it and I think I have to discuss it with her.

Currently, me and my boyfriend don’t have a car. His old car died, and we are waiting to save for a new car, instead of just buying junky used car after junky used car.

So, yesterday, we took the bus over there. It is two long bus rides. We decided that we should take a cab home because we both had to be up early for work the next day and on top of that, it was pouring rain. As we were finishing up dinner, I tried to call for a cab, but every car service by me had over an hour wait. I was pretty upset because we live so far, and it was already pretty late and we had no way home. Neither my friend or her sister offered us a ride home. I hate to sound like I’m expecting it, but I was kind of taken aback that no one offered us a ride, esp. since it was late, pouring rain, and we lived pretty much on the other side of town and it was Christmas so the buses were running sporadically anyway!

I tend to be overly sensitive sometimes and I am well aware of that, but my feelings are really hurt. I guess I expect to much of people sometimes, and then when I get let down, I feel so disappointed and let down in the person.

Am I expecting too much here? I mean, if the tables were turned, and I had a car, I would have offered a ride in a heartbeat. I just feel so slighted. My boyfriend even commented that he was surprised and annoyed, NOTHING ever bothers him.

What would you all think in a situation like this?
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You say " we live so far" then say "pretty much on the other side of town"
How long was the ride by car?

IMO, If I invited people over, I would not expect to have to bring them home after a full day of entertaining, cooking etc.

[IceCat516]

Hi Sparkles, :o)

This may be a simple question, but why didn't you ask? Or perhaps before you came over, clarified the transportation arrangements? Unfortunately sometimes people don't automatically think of being polite or kind - two aspects of personality that are severely lacking in the world. We assume (or as my father would say "make an ASS out of U and ME") the best in people will automatically come out. As I said, this is not always the case. I would express my disappointment with this, maybe phrasing it delicately to her, as I am assuming you want to keep the relationship with your best friend.

As other posters have said, quite often, we get so wrapped up with everything Christmas entails that we forget the small things. Remember you're the better person for having gone out of your own way when she needed a ride. I am a firm believer in Karma or what comes around goes around. I have a best friend story to rival them all, but this isn't the time for it. We'll have to have a thread on boneheaded best friends in the future.

Have a good New Years and resolve to get this clarified and behind you asap!!

Best,
IceCat :o)

[Muscles]

Hey Sparkles were you guys stoned? Think about it, maybe they were just gapin, lol...........

"gapin" to gape, one who gapes.

I mean you dont have to answer but that could be the answer.

[kitten4762]

I see where all banned posters are now unbanned. It's like a Christmas miracle or something.

Anyway...if it were at my house and it was late and raining and my good friends didn't have a car, I would have gone ahead and taken them home. I think that real friends do that stuff for each other.

[pandagirl]

I probably would have offered a ride, too, but can't help wondering what was the problem with waiting an hour for a car service? You're relaxed, you're happy, so why not wait?

[sparkles52]

I didn't want to wait for a car service because it was already late, and I had to be up early for work. I figured by the time I would get the cab, I could have been home already. Besides, cabs are not always the most reliable thing in the world, and I had a feeling I was going to be waiting longer than an hour.

I'm not feeling as upset today. I'm not going to bring up the subject with her because I just don't feel like getting into it. I now know for next time that I won't accept an offer unless I have a guaranteed way to/from wherever it may be.

It's funny because on Christmas morning I had apprehensions about going at all. I just felt like staying home, cooking and relaxing because I had been running around all weekend and had no time to myself. I should have just done that.

[beekeeper]

Oprah says always listen to your "gut" feelings ... they will never let you down!

[bill]

""""""""""Hey Sparkles were you guys stoned"""""""""""""

NO SISSY, EVERYBODY'S NOT A 4 FOOT FAT REPULSIVE LITTLE ALCOHOLIC MIDGET LIKE YOU....

MAYBE YOUR """""JAYMAN""" AND YOURSELF CAN GET TOGETHER LATER FOR SOME MIDNIGHT """KIJAFA'S"""...............QUEER!

[Muscles]

Roflmfao, smoke a little too much pot this morning hill-billy, ROFLMFAO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So uh, when do you think it is you're going to make good on your promise hill-billy, lol, you stated on no uncertain terms that if I told you where I lived you'd be on the first flight up here to "beat my faggot ass to a bloody pulp, lol.......................

I live in the only house on the east side of SE 92nd Ave in Portland Oregon with an address in the 2700's, lol, so either the cancelled every single flight out of Mishitgan or you're a coward, lol................

Do tell us which it is hill-billy and uh, when are you going to be here, lol........

[Hershey]

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Muscles:
Do tell us which it is hill-billy and uh, when are you going to be here, lol........
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Muscles, so to get back to this thread, if Bill has a tough time getting a flight home, will you drive him back??

[sparkles52]

LOL Hershey!! That was funny!

I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind advice.

I posted the same topic over on the QVC boards and got attacked, so I appreciate the kindness!! :0)

[Acura]

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sparkles52:
LOL Hershey!! That was funny!

I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind advice.

I posted the same topic over on the QVC boards and got attacked, so I appreciate the kindness!! :0)
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Why did they attack you?

[Rowan]

Wow I just found this post on the Q's message boards, and the post there got 170 replies.....


SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMcommunity.qvc.com/thread.jspa?threadID=1400031134&tstart=50&mod=1167325567156

[Hershey]

Rowan, why don't you post the link?

[lipo4xmas]

I have learned you can never depend on anyone but yourself. I had surgery the day after xmas and my mom stole 1/3 of the pain medication. My own mother stealing - tell me that doesn't hurt just as much as the lipo!

[Curvigirl]

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lipo4xmas:
I have learned you can never depend on anyone but yourself. I had surgery the day after xmas and my mom stole 1/3 of the pain medication. My own mother stealing - tell me that doesn't hurt just as much as the lipo!
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Ouch!

[pandagirl]

I have to say that I agreed with those over there who didn't see the big insult, though I was trying to be more delicate about it here.

So, getting a cab on Christmas day/night will be a problem. Duh. Call ahead and smile while you wait instead of feeling put upon because the people who fed you and entertained you didn't offer to drive you home at the end of the evening.

I think I would have offered a ride home. But, on the other hand, I also think that I would have brought it up before the end of the evening, as in: "Shouldn't you call for a cab now? It's raining, after all."

[Mel]

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Hershey:
Rowan, why don't you post the link?
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Thanks, Hershey. I was feeling nosey also. lol

[pebbles]

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lipo4xmas:
I have learned you can never depend on anyone but yourself. I had surgery the day after xmas and my mom stole 1/3 of the pain medication. My own mother stealing - tell me that doesn't hurt just as much as the lipo!
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Addicts don't care who they steal from. My sister in law is on oxygen for emphysema and has had a double mastectomy. The woman who came to fill in her papers to get her a wheel chair/scooter asked to use her bathroom. You guessed it; she cleaned out the medicine cabinet. My SIL was afraid to report her for fear she wouldn't get her scooter.

[Mel]

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pebbles:
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lipo4xmas:
I have learned you can never depend on anyone but yourself. I had surgery the day after xmas and my mom stole 1/3 of the pain medication. My own mother stealing - tell me that doesn't hurt just as much as the lipo!
www.tvtalkshows.com/board/showpost.php?p=1606350
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Addicts don't care who they steal from. My sister is law is on oxygen for emphysema and has had a double mastectomy. The woman who came to fill in her papers to get her a wheel chair/scooter asked to use her bathroom. You guessed it; she cleaned out the medicine cabinet. My SIL was afraid to report her for fear she wouldn't get her scooter.
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These two 'stories' are so sad.

Sad for the victims and sad for those who are so addicted that they just don't care about anything except where their next fix is coming from.

:(

[Rowan]

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Hershey:
Rowan, why don't you post the link?

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I'm sorry that I didn't post the link originally, someone was really bothering me while I was trying to post......^_^

[Hershey]

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Rowan:
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Hershey:
Rowan, why don't you post the link?

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I'm sorry that I didn't post the link originally, someone was really bothering me while I was trying to post......^_^
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LOL! Thanks for posting the Linky Poo, Rowan. LOL