Jules
02-18-2009, 06:34 AM
ZEN WITH A TWIST
1. Do not follow behind me for I may not lead. Do not walk before me
because I may not follow. Don't walk beside me either. Just pretty
much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal the
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted either.
5. Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.
8. Before you criticize anyone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way,
when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away and you have their
shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish
and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and you never see that person again, it
was probably worth it.
12. Always tell the truth and you won't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and
put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side and a dark side
and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories concerning arguing with women. Neither
works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
moving.
20. Experience is something you get only right after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.
1. Do not follow behind me for I may not lead. Do not walk before me
because I may not follow. Don't walk beside me either. Just pretty
much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal the
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted either.
5. Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.
8. Before you criticize anyone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way,
when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away and you have their
shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish
and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and you never see that person again, it
was probably worth it.
12. Always tell the truth and you won't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and
put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side and a dark side
and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories concerning arguing with women. Neither
works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
moving.
20. Experience is something you get only right after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.