Susan
01-18-2005, 09:45 PM
and the writers are starting to have fun with the Trump nuptials coming up on Saturday...
We should fire bride-to-be for Trumping nuptials on TV
By Beth Teitell
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Let me get this straight: I have the right to watch the Massachusetts Legislature debate arcane matters of fiscal policy on TV - but not Donald Trump tie the knot?
Can someone pass a Sunshine Law for celebrity weddings, stat?
In case you haven't heard, the revulsion will not be televised. As the world learned yesterday, Trump's latest soul mate nixed a live broadcast (also known as $25 million worth of advertising) of their Saturday nuptials in Mar-a-Lago.
Why? I'm not sure. Maybe, after she took the press wedding-dress shopping, and accepted millions in free gifts, Melania Knauss's sense of decency finally kicked in. Everyone draws the line somewhere. Hers is somewhere between Vogue magazine and NBC.
Sorry, I know it's the bride's day, but who is this woman - a foreigner - to deny Americans their God-given right to tune in to the social event of the century?
I'd freed up my entire Saturday in anticipation of a full day of Super Bowl-style wedding programming. I expected retired stars from games past - Ivana and Marla - wearing big silly earphones and whispering color and play-by-play commentary into oversized mikes. Like a John Madden and Phil Simms for girls.
``There's Kelly Ripa checking her table assignment and wondering who her dining companions will be - Oh, it's the Henry Kissingers and Vic Damone.''
``Is that Liza Minnelli stuffing the centerpiece in her purse?''
``We're in the ladies room now, where a drunk Maria Shriver is reapplying lipstick and performing what she thinks is a private karaoke act into the mirror.''
(Those are all actual guests, by the way.)
Aarghhh. Thinking about how much viewing fun we're missing is killing me. Why not just make the Oscars private, too?
Hey, here's an idea: Let Florida Gov. Jeb Bush declare a state of emergency in Palm Beach County. And, believe me, an emergency it will be. Think how many celebrity journalists could be injured storming the Mar-a-Lago beachfront or flying around in overcrowded airspace.
Gov. Bush, if you're reading this, opening up the wedding would be an excellent way to kick off Jeb '08. Karl Rove would love the crossover numbers.
Barring that, let's at least insist the divorce papers be made public.
We should fire bride-to-be for Trumping nuptials on TV
By Beth Teitell
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Let me get this straight: I have the right to watch the Massachusetts Legislature debate arcane matters of fiscal policy on TV - but not Donald Trump tie the knot?
Can someone pass a Sunshine Law for celebrity weddings, stat?
In case you haven't heard, the revulsion will not be televised. As the world learned yesterday, Trump's latest soul mate nixed a live broadcast (also known as $25 million worth of advertising) of their Saturday nuptials in Mar-a-Lago.
Why? I'm not sure. Maybe, after she took the press wedding-dress shopping, and accepted millions in free gifts, Melania Knauss's sense of decency finally kicked in. Everyone draws the line somewhere. Hers is somewhere between Vogue magazine and NBC.
Sorry, I know it's the bride's day, but who is this woman - a foreigner - to deny Americans their God-given right to tune in to the social event of the century?
I'd freed up my entire Saturday in anticipation of a full day of Super Bowl-style wedding programming. I expected retired stars from games past - Ivana and Marla - wearing big silly earphones and whispering color and play-by-play commentary into oversized mikes. Like a John Madden and Phil Simms for girls.
``There's Kelly Ripa checking her table assignment and wondering who her dining companions will be - Oh, it's the Henry Kissingers and Vic Damone.''
``Is that Liza Minnelli stuffing the centerpiece in her purse?''
``We're in the ladies room now, where a drunk Maria Shriver is reapplying lipstick and performing what she thinks is a private karaoke act into the mirror.''
(Those are all actual guests, by the way.)
Aarghhh. Thinking about how much viewing fun we're missing is killing me. Why not just make the Oscars private, too?
Hey, here's an idea: Let Florida Gov. Jeb Bush declare a state of emergency in Palm Beach County. And, believe me, an emergency it will be. Think how many celebrity journalists could be injured storming the Mar-a-Lago beachfront or flying around in overcrowded airspace.
Gov. Bush, if you're reading this, opening up the wedding would be an excellent way to kick off Jeb '08. Karl Rove would love the crossover numbers.
Barring that, let's at least insist the divorce papers be made public.